Loss led me to desperation
A longing for any connection I could find
Loss gave these objects meaning
What was once a cute accessory is now a sacred piece of the past
It is as if her soul was cut into slices
Served as a memory for those who knew her
Her possessions became pieces of her for us to hold onto.
Her home like a dusty museum
A movie screen of flashbacks and black and white smiles
Crackling behind the old fashioned film reel
We can’t touch them now.
I can look down at my necklace,
Hold it between my warm fingers,
Stroke its smooth golden contours,
Watch the jewels sparkle in the weak fluorescent lighting,
Close my hot palms around the charm,
Shut my eyes tightly,
Remember a Christmas when no one suspected the future to slap us in the face
Remember heartwarming smiles and hidden knowledge that no one wanted to admit
Remember selfish walks up the stairs, gifts in hand, as we departed from our family to be alone with our things
Remember wrinkles that grew deeper each year
And regrets that seemed to grow with them.
This necklace holds a lot more than a 14 karat gold heart.
It holds memories.