I know much better than this
Cause underneath the surface
You’ve got a little snitch
An itch you can’t scratch and it’s killing you
But you know you gotta hide it or you’ll lose everything
You’ll lose the lies you’ve crafted so carefully to keep you safe from the truth.
But you’ll fall again
Fucking count on it, if you have any fingers left.
You’re not one of the many
Babe, you never count sheep
You just count the women lying between your sheets
As you lie between their legs, praying to the devil for a backup plan, and hope to God
That she won’t smell the fear coming from your reeking tongue
The one you used so skillfully to bring pleasure, bring pain
It’s all the same to you now.
It’s those women – excuse me – those GIRLS
You shove out in the morning and out of your mouth
They might not roll off your tongue
But they leave imprints on your bed
I can see me in her
Just a sweet little girl
But soon you will throw her to a whole brand new world
Full of wolves in sheep’s clothing and begging false truths
The funny thing is she won’t realize it’s you
Yes, you, with your heart melting grin
The one that once made me forget all your sins
But that smile isn’t steel; it is made from weak plastic
And I’ll break it in half if I have to unmask it
Once I was the puppet, the marionette
You held onto my strings, wouldn’t let me forget
And I couldn’t run, no, never wanted to
You tugged on my strings just enough to make me want you
When I was knocked on my ass (for once, not by you)
But by sense, I soon realized what I had to do
But you noticed the spark, saw that look in my eye
So, hungry for more, you claimed what was mine
You strapped me down to her bed, of all places,
Cut open my skull without medication
You took out my brain and replaced it with mush
You rewrote my memories with a sinister touch
I knew it was wrong, watching you from below
But I couldn’t get up
There was nowhere to go
So I reached for the blade that relieved me from pain
The knife that dug deep into what was left of my brain
I stabbed it with pride; it bled out on the page
Til I noticed my heart was also to blame
Dripping and crying, tears sweat and blood
I realized my feet were still sinking in mud
I tried to escape, but you just threw me down
I was too shocked to stand up for me now
Love is a funny thing.
One minute you have it,
The next, it has you.
I feared you.
Again, I would struggle with Jezebel’s help
But Judas, my darling, you knocked me back down
To hell I had traveled, or actually been thrown
By you, the one I had claimed to have known…
For each lie you told, I shed my weak skin
And promised I’d never let it happen again
With each passing day, you weakened my spirit
That spark in my eyes wouldn’t reflect in the mirror
Your ears were shut tightly
I know it was by choice
Whenever I spoke, you heard no one’s voice
All I was to you was a hot, empty sack
Full of the things you once hadn’t lacked
You called me a psycho, you called me pathetic
But fighting for you was to be expected.
It’s funny how people believed you so long
Until they heard it from him and her and saw
For themselves the real monster
The one you could hide
It lives inside of a boy with no eyes.
When it broke the surface, I was first to know
The others found out and they knew
But who helped me?
No one. NO. ONE. NO ONE. AT. ALL.
They stood idly by
Their ignorance like daggers
The minions that watched me be torn
And the only tatters they cared for at all
Were the pages he wrote
the ones they would call
It’s true that those with talent are crazy.
He’s surely a talent.
Those holes that he left weren’t just in the wall
They burned through the houses, they burned through the halls
They burned through the doors, the windows, the sheets
They burned through my skin, they speared rough right through me
When that whore’s hands broke free of your illustrious games
Finally, things started to change
I left my shoes trapped in the muck deep below
Decided I wouldn’t be held anymore
But my brain was still missing
You had it in boxes
In pieces, in shatters
You’d fed it to foxes
I should have seen it coming
But you robbed me blind
A moment too late was a moment too kind
You battered my lips
You scratched out my eyes
Your gasoline kiss
Lit my skin on fire
You’d taken it once
You’d take it again
You took me quite easily
Invited yourself in
They were twisted
Still tattered suggestions
I begged them be clearer
But I couldn’t catch them
You laughed at my eyes as they faded to black
You grinned, satisfied, as I accepted my fate
I lied down and took it
You taught me how
You knew how to lie low and take things so well
I became what you made me
You wanted me empty
You wanted a hole
That’s why you made so many…
Soon, Jezebel saved me
She called for some help
She never realized what she did as well
But I let it go, like you taught me to do
This passive looked good, as my new shade of blue
You’d taken me down, you beat me up good
But the scary part is… I wanted you to.
I wanted some proof.
I know you know what you did.
You know well what you are.
But you’ll never admit it.
Never show the scars.
You’re proud of his entry,
If there was one at all.
I’d not be surprised
If it’s what you were all along.
I fear for the future,
I promise that’s true.
I fear for her now,
And I fear for others, too.
I fear for the past and what it can do
To an empty sack of nothing
To someone like you.
You’ll teach her to love you
You’ll teach her to fall
But get up, no.
That’s not an option.
“God allows evil that good may spring from it. Who am I to question Him?”